Tuesday, February 23

Field notebook 9/30/09 to 2/18/10 Transcription 1

Gender relationships are slowly traveling towards the golden bleach clotted valley. Turned out of the bee winged radio. Soft oak blunt foot treads are left on the ant hills next to the beach. Bar tunes filled with sprinkles. I see the bad smells coming out of this rotten pot. I see shadows in the room house I stopped for the night . the one I loved “forever” sleeps next to me , she does not love me.

Experiential cylinders can covet what is lying at their feet.

The girl sits alone watching TV most girls her age are out drinking liquor and being better than her. You think she would hate it but the middle of her mind is gone, her face and body have gone all fuzzy.

Funded, you know we got a couple. Hello nice to see you.

Death market right market sticker on my hanging body. Partner, not here two frigg’n months and the smell of it! Do we have time and enough food what was it I was supposed to repent for? Stern face until it is good enough, still too scared to let it go. Rocks on the wall you had seen as a teenage boy. Walks through the bar imagining myself as him walking through a fancy bar that my parents brought me to on out vacation.

Man wonders into house finds people in the house it is my mental mouse, my house.

Young looking grease on the table next to me. Man in the Hawaiian shirt is questionable, his death is always on his mind but when it comes, he will not be as happy as he expects to be.

At a restaurant a lot of prepared food get tossed: unfinished meals, wrong orders, burnt food, patron send backs, and kitchen scraps. All this food goes into trash bins strategically placed around the kitchen and dish washing area. There is a very unique smell associated with these trash bins. Not a rotten garbage smell ,but a sweet –savory-bleach smell, a sickly sweet smell cut with bleach and savory meats, there would be a stomach turning iron smell of blood on the days raw meat was delivered. That smell has lodged itself in my mind. I spent many long nights smelling that smell high on Mt. Dew and orange juice, sweating in the heat of the ovens and industrial dish washer.

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