Suggestions

• Happiness is the intestines of a dead man
• Overbearing parents do not do their own dishes
• Chronic bed wetters don't keep promises
• Why don't you just give me a chance I can do it really good
• Wobbling over to the tended field I fell over and hit my head
• Nothing is in the pure white hospital room
• Just keep the truth at hand, always
• Only eat things with color
• 100 blizzards in her neck while I obsessively played the video game
• Future furniture can't be held responsible for their actions
• My future context is founded on ancient doctrines
• Nothing will lend money to concrete sidewalks with broken tree root
• Under the rusty tree, eaten
• We were lost in the depths of outer space without a thought about the world as we had known it
• Don't buy houses next to neighborhoods by bars if you want

Field notebook 3/17/09 to 9/29/09 Transcription 4

An I am a little disappointed the standards of our goodness is just not showing up. And I can’t keep my mama and I say you suck. I figure if I don’t get a huge refund I will just ream out the deductive. Your own mind it is only a couple of 100 bucks – and that all comes from a seasoned “Guy”.

So no just can’t understand what I should just drink until I. so no ya every thing falls into place ya I understand ya he is a gold guy not into myself here. We got.. Yo, just got to do what you have to do hey that’s your man don’t let him hang horhay is in the house.

Exactly just listen. god, I am good right now he understood hey he crossed the line I got some shit to show you get your fuck.

Lot to write about. To much energy 2 be here can’t stop to think can’t spell, got spell checker 4 later. Uncontrolled what uncontrolled. Here, just kinda feeling kinda glassy to sharp and unstable. Glassy is a good way. Unsure if a drink is really what I need. I can make it go away. Feels better when it is for me feels better when it is for me no form no expectations. Nothing….

Worst vodka tonic ever. omg it sucked. I still drank it because the bar tender is a friend and he made it strong and I wana get drunk so I ordered a Guinness instead and it looks good for (pushing my ego here, deleted).

Lets have a ciggy where is the berlin wall. Actually MD-PA. if you were not a guidance counselor not a bar tender no other way around. I want to listen to P.S. I want to relive my youth. Fuck my youth. Fart. I hope knobody noticed. The thing that separates me from Joyce is Joyce is dead and 99.9% of what I write is boring.

Feeling more spongy and feeling myself floating into the surrounding matter except for the spider on my neck. You never meet the ones who put it there. There is only the hope or maybe the neutral potential that others can relate to the work. My life is confusing and at many time horrible and sometimes unbearable the only path is to draw my way out.

Panormous – pizza hot pizza search

My mucus membrane is healing with prodigious amounts of Guinnesses.

I still ned you outside I need you oh god in the my my you put me (bed in the cabin) down look at my face I need you inside need to stay awake awake – shadow – I hate him.

Dendriurethane. Pure 80’s fun, I like my 80’s music in capes and spring driven. Big boobed blondes.

Six heavy walking chilled hockey stars. I just started personing. Close faced hard working tater artists. Sounds sounds 10 docks. We will get ya this is not fun I got cute once, go some place you know, go down a 1 way street the time, put your came for the eating flesh on. I went my my way man six really chilled drinks to the escape pods yes yes yes yes!

Field notebook 3/17/09 to 9/29/09 Transcription 3

Enjoy all season long!!!!!

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What is the other been confused with what my purposes are what happens when I just write for myself or draw for myself for that matter the reader/viewer becomes me or the creator becomes the created.

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The creator becomes the created for

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Again, the GREAT “how one pronounce words conversation” is going on, how boring.

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He leaves his guy took the when he I am fields under the no boby ababy baddaydydad 41 1:00:30. To go in the half galss legged he has under ooh OOTOT every Saturday looks at me and over me can’t but be got to make that as long as I coon cat see the game. Who is that smell? To much perfume ugh golden highway folded airplane. The clown is leaving the game is over to drunk to care. Metso kun too no moko me ta trust me to be your request not really but mine to read got to IOI to got to II can’t I III TTT I steal but on.

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CREATIVITY

What happens when the created beomes the created for i.e. the artist creating for their own self (enjoyment, pleasure, “a need”, etc…)

Art can exist on its own without any “deeper meaning” – “social commentary” (art is mine)(art is mine)(myartismine)

This is what I have been trying 4 all mylife. The thrill of having others praise you in Intoxicting! (but) Give it up – leave the Earth for the Universe.

I wonder about the validity of authors/artists who show/publish their work. F that if I like it I like it (? Lazy excuse) my mind/reasons/drive is the only thing I need to worry about (what am I trying to get here? I am trying to rationalize something here, justification of an underdeveloped sense that I am worthy and good. I see myself as partially human. Am I without the tools to process jealousy and fear)

Writing lets me expand change/… (beyond what I thought before) my consciousness/models.

I mean this influence of creativity thing or this duality between creating for yourself and creating (following reworded) to prove to others that you are amazing. Art as self-centered rather than as Sele Destroying (the latter being the positive) or boundless creativity as opposed to thinking to much.

The two are very different, the creating with logos vs mythos? “thinking too much” just becomes an inhibitor to creating with purebeing purecreativity. Go beyond that, and then beyond that, …

Some artists worry so much about, “giving a message” “saying something” (and that becomes the whole piece) (and if there is “worry” present the work will fail the artist and viewer) (not that giving a message is bad, but worrying is death) (conclusion? I guess don’t worry, and just keep working)

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Mindfullness walking – encounter with different beings. Strutting in the middle of the street – proud man.

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Number crunching number crunching 10 years ago that is predicated on really caring what is going on. Night in total darkness without light I can feel at home no eyes looking at me nobody to care about what I do alone and free, but I am alone in this.

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I have to learn to change or I have to really put a lot of effort or energy to be good – this is just an idea. This notebook has to be transferred to be mine (deleted) this transfers the spirit of the work I am going to be fighting this all my life the spirit behind the work for me for “them” for an idea. What is the “what is the spirit behind the work”? (deleted)

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That’s fine yeah ---- a fine man and sometimes he goes home and works 29 or 30 years and life is too short and I will go home and do 29 or 30 years of work and that is a lot of work.

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She shot me in the mountain retreat. We used to be so organized I could plug it in myself. But that does not constitute an… well I hate to say it for embarrassment but for aggression.

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Cosmic burst – vodka on ice

Field notebook 3/17/09 to 9/29/09 Transcription 2

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP

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Prepare para yourself I am back precede into the underlying cut off the I like her hair cut cut short – back. Man we don’t need to go into the cut – my like language gauge short – the cut. Mouthed poet new Holland born and died where for me I want to die in Zuric.

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I want my life to be a blind taste test. Sensory input devoid of memories models and cancer devoid of life what good are metaphors really?

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Is she a clown? She was attractive until I realized she looks like a clown but was not a clown. I don’t like clowns but that is not a good reason to dislike a person but a person who looks like a clown but does not know it, I have no respect for.

----------------------------

(Deleted)

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Call me to come over and wait .now I smell bleach and loud successful men. No no not here hold my tender hold.

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Feel Alien. Must be the dishwasher smell – bleach and dissolving old food.

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“everyone needs to change the universe”

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What is it about those things that make me love someone so much I could cry.

----------------------------

(Deleted)

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But what does it mean to do this? manifest destany Manafest Destany Man A Fest Dest Tany

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Look and smile. Chatter energy energy smile first 3 of 10 yes yes yes you did it body rubber boddy rub.

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Resavior constitut resavior constitution pain killers pain that is too much to fear of death no say. Say. 2 much to say in Texas. You can live outside it without being an ass about it.

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That’s is a large bottle. I need a drink from that large bottle know it is my time for a wonderful thing

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He looks like a boxer there used to be people like him in the movies. Now there are just beautiful people. But fuck I don’t care about that. I don’t care about that dullness I am exciting.

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Cat meows – off people like pigs these days old scars from beating off the devil off.

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Gentile my ass I want to drink tonight.

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rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrI just like looking at the words.

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What is genus. Did Dylan Thomas have it (trying to train myself to write in caps, spelling not yet) What a Genius.

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The witching hour – he loves heer trying 2 much fuck this DWDDDW over the hill. Name the ship. OTHER

Field notebook 3/17/09 to 9/29/09 Transcription 1

Irish Fucks, Irish Fucks, Irish Fucks, Diamonds they say – I am telling you god damn goddamn ooooooo! Split fish on the happy days, yes. Around damn Irish fucks. They want us to have a good night. Baseball cut-ups, just feel like change all – I want to drink all night I will kill time not time change From much is I – it is heavy that chain- man. I don't not know things, I am unfull. Later… be nile or go away, is a big ass me I was man just frying my classes glasses. 5:35AM just man, not hardest. all it is, is the hardest in me, time to change – set it up okay. Thing – self – the hardest the hardest. Boring got to sell yeah ya yay I will. Iis we boring? Not real, I… this (points to body) are all here just trying to make it! You think it is hard you are!! Did not feel creative today on those pills. Not da helping - ther I was th' just an'. Days stick to form, I know development. I am tired of my own shit and any time you are ready come get it.

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This is a true pint

My bottled beer does not

Cars with enemies in
I even fill it them
I am beliu
I am a bigfella's
Drivite sector is d' beliefe
I get pints!

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PINT PINT PINT
I GO WITH AN ALE IN
THE ASS
PEARL

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Ridiculous I don't get it I don't get it walking listening go? Another one boundless –trees – branches see me scattered bits of information I could have done that I could have done that distorted. Real. Stuff. Truly beautiful when the concepts are washed away awareness of it. Art devoid of context but not making context an evil. Just not faking or taking anything to seriously – some are just boring. Class room. I want the branches to touch the mountains what is that I don't get it. How much are they worth. It's okay I have seen much worse. But what about me. Judgement. Awareness. Art is nothing. Just more stuff. Boundless stuff.

---------------------------

French Modernism
Matisse + Cezanne = genitals?

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BREAD
2 cups H2O 110°F (~I cup per loaf)
(add)
2 ts yeast
1ts sugar
2ts salt
(optional: add egg here)
Whisk it
Then add flower until you get consistency of heavy cream
Change tools – whisk to spoon
Add flower with spoon
Continue till hard to mix
Let sit (cover with damp dish rag) 1hr – (until) spongy (yeast growing)
Before it falls stir it down
Start adding flower again until it looks like it is done (kneadable)
Then knead – 10min
Cover in oil
Let rise – proof it – should hold fingerprint – either shape it into a loaf or pound it down and let rise half way – make loaf
Bake 350 30to40min
Done – tap bottom of loaf should sound hollow.
(it tid-bits (oaks, caraway, raisins, other dried fruit, nuts, seeds and so on…) are wanted add while whisking)

---------------------------

Do you know what is know?

Do you know that which is known?

Make a list somewhere. Of these specific upstream ratio of radio

You are my shining example of what could have happened.

Boosting the Virtue of Boredom

I like to read about people doing drugs

I like to read about crazy people, people with schizophrenia and manic-depression

I like to read about ---------------------- and ----------------------

I like to read about people eating other people

I like to read about murders

I like to read about speedball overdoses

They are all popular, I don’t like doing coke or killing or tripping or cannibalism, but I wish I did so I could be popular, I need to be told I am valuable.

Is there transcendence in decadence?

no

Beauty

Beauty

Loveliness

Good Looks

Prettiness

Attractiveness

Charisma

Charm

Attraction

Magnetism

Pull

Drag

Haul

Tow

Lug

Heave

Raise

Hoist

Lift

Raise Up

Pick Up

Spontaneous

Impulsive

Impetuous

Rash

Hasty

Thoughtless

Inconsiderate

Selfish

Self-Centered

Egotistical

Narcissistic

Vain

Faith

Faith

Confidence

Self-Assurance

Self-Confidence

Self-Possession

Control

Rule

Manipulate

Influence

Dominate

Oppress

Tyrannize

Repress

Subjugate

Conquer

Overthrow

Defeat

Vanquish

Annihilate

Wipe Out

Destroy

Water-River

Water

Wet

Damp

Soggy

Saturated

Inundated

Swamped

Busy

Hectic

Frantic

Frenzied

Furious

Enraged

Angry

Irritated

Aggravated

Provoked

Motivated

Forced

Compulsory

Required

Necessary

Essential

Vital

Very Important

Crucial

Urgent

Burning

Ablaze

On Fire

Enthusiastic

Excited

Eager

Keen

Fanatical

Eager

Ready

Prepared

Set

Put

Place

Rest

Relax

Unwind

Wind Down

Unwind

Let Everything Go

Calm Down

Soothe

Pacify

Appease

Mollify

Placate

Conciliate

Make Peace

Stop Fighting

Bury The Hatchet

Resolve Your Differences

Kiss And Make Up

Make Peace

Make Up

Structure

Configuration

Design

Plan

Diagram

Illustration

Figure

Shape

Form

Appearance

Emergence

Coming Out

Materialization

Manifestation

Demonstration

Expression

Representation

Depiction

Portrayal

Exposé

Rendering

Interpretation

Symbol

Pictogram

Icon

Star

Idol

Vip

Luminary

Achiever

Go-Getter

Self-Starter

Live Wire

Extrovert

Activist

Campaigner

Crusader

Guardian

Protector

Sovereign

Supreme Ruler

Monarch

Leader

Guide

Control

Rule

Run

Stream

River

TV Cut-up 1

Domestic snake dinners

God does not believe in oily asians

Wavo Del Toro

Wavo Del Toro

money was hard to cme by. We were poor

we were needy we were dead

we cut it open after we found what remained of who she was.

The insides spilled out

I NEED all of this

Feel high -More to spare now - 3D dimensions

I want her. I want her to see every inch of myself

I want to cry with her

I want to shit with her

I want to be sick with her

I want to tell her the truth

I want her to be close to me

I NEED all of this

dark - her eggs - it was funny

I didn't want to read what I wrote

all these years ago. What. who was it?

Its all right I don't have to read it

Listen a thunder storm is coming or it that a car?

Nekeraghwa

Nekeraghwa

Dark secret of the self

The Nekeraghwa Nights!

Zee Stomack all the parts stuffed into the intestines

chopped face into the dinner plate

the the home made hair is thrown into the lake

native grasses surrounding

Observations #21

The folds in the blanket are accentuated by the dim lights from outside my window

leaving is the answer

leave

go away

move

turn

alter

modify

transform

renovate

repair

put back together

reconstruct

reform

development

maturity

age

time

instance

example

model

paradigm

archetype

original

innovative

pioneering

revolutionary

rebellious

disobedient

insubordinate

mutinous

defiant

insolent

rude

impolite

bad-mannered

coarse

vulgar

tasteless

insipid

dull

lifeless

unresponsive

unfeeling

cruel

brutal

evil

atrocious

vicious

vile

abominable

terrible

grave

serious

important

significant

major

main

key

solution

answer

Insect

Insect

Bug

Creepy-Crawly

Pest

Nuisance

Irritation

Annoyance

Infuriation

Exasperation

Frustration

Aggravation

Provocation

Irritant

Pain

Ache

Throbbing

Sore

Tender

Loving

Affectionate

Demonstrative’

Warm

Kind

Caring

Thoughtful

Considerate

Understanding

Sympathetic

Concerned

Worried

Anxious

Edgy

On Edge

Jumpy

Tense

Overwrought

Stressed

Harassed

Hurried

Quick

Rapid

Fast

Speedy

Immediate

Instant

Instantaneous

Direct

Straight

As The Crow Flies

Nonstop

Hysterically

Uncontrollably

Wildly

Violently

Aggressively

Forcefully

Vehemently

Fervently

Passionately

Avidly

Keenly

Eagerly

Enthusiastically

Excitedly

Hungrily

Impatiently

Intolerantly

Edgily

Irritation

Nuisance

Pest

Creepy-Crawly

Bug

Insect

simulated annealing 2

Here's the first fruits of the 2D molecular dynamics code. It's a
picture of the paths taken by 30 particles in a 2D box, over the
course of one molecular mechanics run. The particles repel each other,
and are repele and each one has a different color. code By: Sane Job Ken

simulated annealing 1

Random array of colored dots. Test2.prl picks the colors from Gaussian distributions, and adds

a slight bias to lighter colors in the center. code By: Sane Job Ken

My extinction is directly that which can before, that which could not be held down to the world. 100 or even 300,000 members of the lichen volcanism cults cannot hold me down tell them to be cautious. Then, and many shall hear, what has persisted for years, is there anything else that the warming assumption cannot completely understand the climate. There is much to be done number 7. Years ago three attention focused sons forgot the paleontology that called caused my powerful impact. I became the professor of change but my downfall was her, at 65 below. Now it appears that she was the one who knew all aspects of this expeditious cause. 

nobody should hold

nobody should hold you back I feel bound -walled up- stuck by my connection that I need to act in a way that people I admire or really just everyone will like me or think that I am cool or not geeky and stupid and not unaware or something like that – someone smart and “above” others – I don’t want to feel bound by these things anymore, garbage face smell, smell of washing dishes gold anarchy slopping wet food gotta get it clean wanna belong, was that just a line in the film “give me money for a ME!” something, dinner I have not ate (eight) all my change for a cigarette AMERICA. River smell like tadpoles my childhood of tadpoles.

Picking paint

Picking paint of the scarab, munch on cherry blossoms and grass.
Smelling mulch eating it in, pain in my lip from, sure lip mulch.
(Inside my head feeling anxiety about being alive.)
Picking green paint of the scarab, just being alive, wind blew bly, blue bly
Wana be at the bench without his aching head.
Smushing thoughts roll through the broken baskets
Roll-lolling tongue of feelings in my body.
Autan starscape warm tongue of thought…

Fragrant matter

Fragrant matter it is all coming together now.
I am burning but not so alone anymore.
I need her to just take care of me sometimes.
Just hold me make everything all right no so alone so alone.
Fluid motion forward not with budges in time.
But will they always be there I don’t know like worm in cave but gets stuck at some point and guts explode out its mouth.
Law over Oversum Oversum tramping in cold wood stained stomak rotten wood over the hill in the rotten stomak nobody knows.
I am cold can I come over I am so lonely I want to sit but what if she does not like me oh he is a nice guy no she would think nice person.
We love the classics.
We hate God and Jesus.
What is on your face.
Repetitive actions make fears go away fear – repetitive actions.

Seems to me…

Seems to me…
education
gaining more knowledge and experience
getting over a cold
brain power
social class
sailing in a ship
parents
genetics
life experience
weather
stars
food I have eaten
friends – enemies – acquaintances – and people I have passed
drugs I have taken
TV shows I have seen or not seen but only heard of
robotic industries
my brother
to many people care
paperclips
my parents
people I have dated
people I have wanted to date
people I have wanted to fuck
people I have wanted to love
optional refreshments
receipts are piling up

Heat my shoes

Heat my shoes and oh God torn my ribs and blood are in me
but mostly in my past
I was more unreal then
killing seemed cool or badass I had no conception of empathy
but I think there was the feeling of it.
The two were not yet connected.
Teach children to kill at a game.
The future of war.
I think it is a very smart idea.

Dorling Lord

Rogue, rectangle how tar in dewlap, novae be yet yet

Mean Magi, amok yet law be, end no three as it is in evil novae us sight yard rue Iliad dank

Dear epigraph us rue as, Seascape we epigraph shot how Shaper Stigma

So done duel sum ton onto, Instatement tub reviled sun morph

Live roof zenith so eat, Moonlike heat redwood Donna heat

Yolk rot rave done

Rove nomad

Phase 4 (arbitrary phase breaks)

Fragrent matter it is all coming together now. I am burning but not so alone anymore. I need her to just take care of me sometimes. Just hold me make everything all right no so alone so alone. Complexity. Implications for increase in information on my consciousness. What is power – better – how does increase in power change my consciousness. My relationships – humans relationship to this planet why save anything.? Humans seem to be tending toward a more and more visual or digital world “on the screen” view. – Less internalizing thoughts? Detachment from actual materials astetics moving from 3-D and 2-D manually produced things to digital flat bright so different from our evolutionary past – is it? What does that mean? Evolution is a co-opting of existant parts for use in new ways. Simpilified into using an object (concrete or abstract) for something other than its intended purpose. Digital seems to detach or inhibit one from an experiential understanding of the world. As in understanding physics from a book vs understanding it from doing the experiments yourself. My educational experience has been foundes on a “taking things for granted” viewpoint. Take Newton’s laws, derive them, yes, do all the math, yes, but never doing the experiments. It all means nothing to me. I need to see it feel it understand what a model really is! View science as a model for our unexplainable unknowable existence. Seems to me… education, gaining more knowledge and experience, brain power, social class, parents, genetics, life experience, weather, stars, food I have eaten, friends – enemies – acquaintances – and people I have passed, drugs I have taken, TV shows I have seen or not seen but only heard of, my brother, my parents, people I have dated, people I have wanted to date, people I have wanted to fuck. What is it? Explode books. Understanding the basics not taking them for granted. Fluid motion forward not with bludges in time. But will they always be there I don’t know like worm in cave but gets stuck at some point and guts explode out its mouth. Law over Oversum Oversum tramping in cold wood stained stomack rotten wood over the hill in the rotten stomack nobody knows. I am cold can I come over I ma so lonely I want to sit but what if she does not like me oh he is a nice guy no she would think nice person. We love the classics. We hate God and Jesus. What is on your face. Repititive actions make fears go away fear – repetitive actions. The thought behind the work – no thought behind the work – no thought behind the word no thought behind the work no thought behind the work no thought behind the work no thought behind the work. I don’t think well I don’t feel well I… I… don’t there is no point in me. I am pealing all my muddy flesh. Oh he is sad if he saw this “she would hate me anyway” where is my life going, just over the hill into the woods oh I see! Just let what is on there out. Fly home baby. I am having a fucking heart attack. Not mine sent to mine hotter. Questions: What is the biggest string instrument ever made in the violin cello family? Formula for AMD Al hydroxides, What is he melting temperature? I love beer. Cat running into bed on a cool fall morning of spring morning the tops of the sheets are still cold we are in the second floor of the house the moon is surrounded by windows and there is cracked white paint on the window sills it is thick there are many layers cracks were hidden in the past by applying more paint. Cat stoned in weathered mobs. Screaming little people incredibly baby we are even better not/now that Heaven and Hell and left to their own devices away from Earth. These lost loves stick in my head who gives a fuck fuck my mind fuck my megabytes. I am at this point in my life just another point. Or is it the point they say something like that but I think I see it. Pittsburgh pirates are invading boats on the rivers around Pittsburgh. Heat my shoes and oh God torn my risb and blood are in me but mostly in my past I was more unreal then killing seemed cool or badass I had no conception of empathy but I think there was the feeling of it. The two were not yet connected. Teach children to kill at a game. The future of war. I think it is a very smart idea. Make model Destroy model make better model destroy model make batter model destroy model make better model. Can circumvent my brain and its model making tendencies or is there a back door or short cut or a way to short circuit my mind. What – is it important? Is “is”. I don’t think I can come back from this one. Well it, I think that way… maybe I should drink more? Yeah. I arrived at the house after midnight. Started by following some leads but all I found were (illegible). Smoke under the Night, my. Resolutions about tonight dissolved with the closed door. Streets closed by the fat man, Carlos is his name. He is a technophile. Constantly on his i-Phone or Blackberry. What is information? It has a “objective” definition that is it is defined in a dictionary. More important is how information is used. I live in a box. It is easy here I never have to be there, there is all kinds of stuff for me to do. I live in a box. It is easy here I think about waking up. I plan on doing things. My life is going to be amazing. I never have to be there. Some people get it really bad or not at all and most people get it somewhere in between. Weathering of Ultramafic CO2 Sequestration. White one building to reduce heat energy being absorbed by the earth. Rocks good. Natural. Natural? Art? That nothing timing moth moth nothing timing. Something about working in a medium that has a long history. It is safe in that at this point in time everything has been done. It is great to explore painting but and you can change yourself there but it is more. Excitedly go down a path totally unknowm. Window of opportunity my mind always changes. To Where. What it ito. Why do these things always fuck us up. So little but so big as I grow older things are less important. There is no history I care to care about. I feel connected to my city. I feel fleeting moments of connectedness connect just do it connect. Sit there and make yourself do it all the time no matter what is going on. Just excuses just entrenched feelings no judgment. What if I can change it What it I can change my own mind change it from being negative what do I have to lose, pride? Fuck you pride. Changed my mind. Change my mind. Change my mind. Remodel. Malachi "Buck" Mulligan – Malachite – Green – Ireland.

Phase 3 (arbitrary phase breaks)

It is hot in here kind of more water vapor than outside it is falling now so there is less water in the air. I am near them and behind them behind the door. I think I recognize her voice, probably not her. Hungry for something I hear their talk of being and nature. I just feel detached. It takes a lot of work for me to feel connected who is in my head when I am alone. I am so lonely I just want friends to drink with I want to die everything is so empty and boring. Don’t make such a thing about it. Robotic love making machine I want to eat her pussy. I want to drink all her drink of her. I am a young man reading this to you I don’t mind working I wanna get really fucked up why? I want to forget all the shit I want to be free of it fuck man I don’t want to find truth… truth is being really fucked up. I wanna drink myself to death. Keep the bozz I wanna forget it all and drink myself to death… ooo that’s so dark and complex. Translate this freedom topo. Over and Over and Over. I want: Hard Shiny can be polished to be shiny. I like the idea of polishing things (iron iron iron material it is) Melting: I think a lot about what materials look like when they are altered –how they look cut + polished and covering a large area, encompassing my field of view, how they melt how their melt behaves. I really like melting things. Cut polish melt put acid + corrosive materials.

philly

zEBRA
Driving between my breath and myself
i wana be in bed
i wana apply myself
i wana

Sometime in 2008: P-2 (arbitrary phase breaks)

PoverPrint. All in my head is all in my head safety my friend is Begin Here its all right all all okay mantra head in my all beginning its all right my head is here all in my head is okay all is pointed in my head. Stay with it. Stay with it. Stay with it. Stay with it. Stay with it. Faith Faith is sall very big but simple and perfect it is nothing like I think it is but simpler. Words for art: passive active masculine feminine planned unplanned. 85 ½ 1’. Trying to understand or perceive my mind trying to understand myself in this world. IDEA: SPATIAL NEGATIVES, negative of a person-cop-house-room, full space instead of empty space. Power power power. Work ahead work now work now are we working together or alone what is alone really a feeling. Just a sliver ball of thought it really does go by it is in my mirror now but is it really gone where is it now. I am Loose. I fight disabled people. Mind unable to feel happy. But I need to go about something maybe I should get a pickup truck. Orth prefix what does it mean. Global event look at me ha just me over here ha! Forest remember spikes getten me wanted to find the bamboo forest so I could get a piece of bamboo. I want I be. I want to visit my friend JS I miss him he is my friend. I want I be So nice to that ugly girl. She is not ugly, but most people will think she is, it makes me want to cry. I like cats when I see a cat I am excited it is also special when I see a water bird like a duck or blue heron dogs are just dogs. Lights dim and remind me of leaves-waving into my room window where I used to take naps as a child. Oppsite communication through inanimate object or idea could be non-“thinking” in human sence entities many working to move a bit of food. End of song guitar I like it but is is. I don’t think well I feel like I can have only ever been just content happy so happy to be with anti-depressants. FA. Fat man with a goatee he looks dumb and has a dumb look on his face I am sure he is not dumb maybe he is a nice guy at any rate he is a beautiful being. I would like to be known at the butcher of something someday. My Feet are doing what my head is trying to say. Thoughts and conversation between my thoughts and what I write. What I write is like filtering my thoughts, with my writing speed. Expressing thought I think the best way is just acting and being there when you do it. Seems very animal to me. Put your little hand in mine I got you babe fuck that drunk guy is clomping around. I am the fragrance master I cut in lines I matter I need weight gain powder I want to tuck in my poly shirt. Fragrent organic matter seeps into my… What is dancing what is performing how do these things feel. Just feeling okay. Seep Ja. ROBOTIC Tonite get over it, How? Fit right NoW she cool JAZZ. You call that dictation. Dorom in Bennener. Shadow leaf concrete match stick burnt. Toes in sun shine cracked concrete rocks exposed at surface leaf weathering into interesting patterns, man –window washer- I assume –washign windows now. Salon next door I wonder. What they think about me writing. Woman voice don’t want to let her see me write. Try to act cool and special.

Sometime in 2008: P-1 (arbitrary phase breaks)

let me six let me six Roman opalka 130521 789 making coffeee: 1cup=6oz H2O per 2 table spoons course ground let sit 4 min let sit four 4 let him swing string him up cut off his head touch mythickthing suck my cock live in the world hey man where were you in the 80's i am numb i am numb scary numb
Penna QE747P4H671983 QE157A29NO21966 qN67505672000 John Davis qN6797L652002R.Long N6498.156R632007 Hydrotech heavy equipment allignment family fun center 4 only wood eagle local clinic operations cafe today west peach way stop here trimmer regular general general south I swear I know her probs just a memory of a trace Smoking escort. Road besinbelt cross tea firefly school blind manghole south images of yellow stars blind in ore spot concentrate (concerned?) with thinking of turning into the end. God bless America god answers knee mail Wins GO! Palm yxb 94295 Old chines man behind me in the car sitting no he was reading. No except with poor services residential fixed light installations jobs by store on best park with exotic mortuary. Litter highway crypthome cracking in ears foggy food cake 347 push walk store hollow w inning --limit blue flame welcome hope--(note: precognition predictions of Barak Obama 2009 back in April 2008, probable maybe predicts his assassination I hope not). Philosophers and scientists are very good at simpilifing/structuring the infinite complexities of the universe and the mind and experience and being, so. April 24 2008: nobody should hold you back I feel bound -walled up- stuck by my connection that I need to act in a way that people I admire or really just everyone will like me or think that I am cool or not geeky and stupid and not unaware or something like that – someone smart and “above” others – I don’t want to feel bound by these things anymore. Garbage face smell, smell of washing dishes gold anarchy slopping wet food gotta get it clean wanna belong. Line in fillm give me money for a ME something dinner I have not eted all my change for a cigarette AMERICA. River smell like tadpoles my childhood of tadpoles. Why does it always smell like pancakes when I go around a corner. Picking paint of the scarab munch on cherry blossoms and grass. Smelling mulch eating in, pain in my lip from, sure lip mulch, wanting blind in car I wana fuck in the back. Detached numb feeling. Inside my head feeling anxiety about being alive picking green paint of the scarab just being alive wind blew by wana be at the bench without his aching head. Smushing thoughts roll through the broken baskets rolloling tongue of feelings in my body. Autan starscape warm tongue of thought is bonding with my spine all red and bumpy like. Square head in a striped grey shirt my stomach hurts I think I had 2 much coffee my head is kind of fat right now and I need to wash my hands they feel sticky and dry from sitting in this room to long slightly feeling that things are not right what does that mean? Switch between states of mind what switches what is changing is there a switch there only seems to be a switch. Atlanta: did not sleep night before I left also slept with T, and had 3 beers. Sleeping with her, I did not want to leave. Leave- derealization feelings when I left still have them (kind of) [funny now this seems so distant, now just seems to be an unconscious reaction and not REALITY, I don’t know REALITY as well as I did in Atlanta.] Yes Say just thoughts. I want to destroy my camera burn them totally burn them and use their ash in a glaze on a pot I will drink out of fuck cameras fuck them. Wild Branch sways as it wants. Bright stabbing moving so much in her little frame. Feel a little bit better calming myself is the best anti-depressive. Stay with it is best advice. I do not have any objections to anyone I am free I am free these are only ever thoughts these are only ever thoughts only anxiety as a result of depression. I am tired hungry thirsty angry or I feel detached or just empty. It is okay I will go home and sleep. Her eyes, it’s all hormones. God Tir ervile GOD TIRER VICE. OHIO cher Korea paint colored fabric covering my head. Drink mustard shadow of many lights no no them want. I AM Don’t I MA AM I AM Not going to spend another year working I am going. Cussing bucked toothed women out. Wiretap must win on hairspray. He never turned himself in in himself in.

Q&A, with Dave and Sam (1)

What is your name? Doesnt matter, its a piece of cake, dude.
Why is there suffering in the world? Many people think the same thing. Its all in how you turn the wheel.
What is Art? Anytime, Anywhere, people do crazy things under pressure.
How can we humans live together in this crazy world? 8 o'clock when i was 4 years old.
What is the best way to be happy? Teddie Roosevelt Prank Phone in the hall.
What does it mean to be alive? Squares for Dancing.
Where is my mind? Eye twitch.
Does God Exist? gold spices and shrines.
What is Exist? Spanish peoples dirty minds.